We’ve all seen the headlines by now and honestly they’re all pretty samey: “7-Eleven Makes Actual Hot Dog Flavored Water, LIMP BIZKIT Not Involved”, “7-Eleven To Launch Hot Dog-Flavored Sparkling Water Drink, Limp Bizkit Not Involved”, “Limp Bizkit fans, rejoice! You can now buy hot dog-flavoured water to drink”.
Basically, the crux of the story is that the iconic convenience store chain is allegedly putting out a special “Miracle Seltzer” drink that’s supposed to taste like their Big Bite hot dogs slathered in ketchup and mustard. That’s right — seltzer that tastes like a roller hot dog that’s been out for hours on end. Yummy.
In their press release, 7-11 says more details will come out on April 1, so we’re pretty sure they’ve already given up their April Fools joke. There’s no way that’s real… right?!
Well as lead editor around these parts, I’m going to make a promise right now: MetalSucks is the only heavy metal publication that will go further. If this shit is real, I, Hesher Keenan, pledge that I will drive down to my local 7-11 to buy the damn thing and document the experience. I will debase my taste buds and potentially ruin my day to bring you the sort of breaking news, gonzo journalism you shouldn’t expect from a heavy metal website in 2024.
And you know how all those headlines rightly say Limp Bizkit isn’t involved? I say “fuck that.” I’m going to make that damn band involved the only way I know how: by listening to nothing but “Nookie” on loop throughout the entire experience. If weather permits, I’ll do it with the windows rolled down and the stereo blaring out of my Toyota Corolla as I drive at least 10 minutes each way to do this thing. I will show zero shame in the service of impressions, clicks, and the almighty algorithm.
If it’s not real, then kudos to 7-11 for giving a bunch of us tired metal reporters something to laugh about. If it’s real, then may God have mercy on my senses…
The post If That 7/11 Hot Dog Sparkling Water is Real, I Will Drink It While Blasting Limp Bizkit appeared first on MetalSucks.
