1. If you’re the sort of music listener who consumes albums by dragging, dropping, ordering and chopping — which is to say, you’re a sensible person who creates playlist edits of new albums because life is short and albums are long — don’t allow yourself to think your first edit is the final edit, because the song you thought was boring might suddenly become very non-boring indeed.
2. If you’re a popstar, and by popstar we mean the sort of popstar with a sense of adventure, a fluid approach to the creative process, and a surplus of ideas, and by that we mean ‘not Liam Payne’, try to remember that you can breathe new life into a song in ways vastly more exciting than ‘whacking out an acoustic version for Spotify numbers’ or ‘throwing thousands of quid at Cheat Codes or R3HAB and hoping for the best, for Spotify numbers’. (When this new version of Slow Disco first emerged a few weeks back, Vinco explained that “I always felt this song could wear many different outfits and live many different lives. Here she is in disco pants, sweating on a New York dancefloor.”)
3. If you’re Robyn and you don’t release a new Robyn single, someone else is just going to step in and release a Robyn single for you.
4. If you work for a record label please view Fast Slow Disco as permission to reinvigorate the grand and much-missed pop tradition of ‘the single version’, aka ‘the radio edit’, aka ‘let’s stick a rocket up this and watch it go’.
5. If you’re going out this weekend, please seriously consider crowdsurfing over a lot of high-spirited chaps in a gentlemen’s club, because on the evidence laid out here it looks like a lot of fun. Stay hydrated.