DESCRIPTION:
Inspired by real events and people. This is my nod to preachers, pundits, and politicians who are loudly obsessed with the sex lives of others -- often in "conservative" talk media by organizations with "Family" in the name. Lyrics:

All dressed in our Sunday best, in the pew with all the rest
To hear the godly word of good clean living
Songs were sung and prayers were prayed for all the little lambs who strayed
To came back to the fold and be forgiven

The preacher stood up tall and tight, we got an earful alright
As he thundered out that Satan’s at the gate
If sin we are to recognize, we’d better open up our eyes
And so he started to elaborate

He didn’t talk much of sloth or greed or what the poor old folks might need
And only a small mention of Our Savior
But his sermon really picked up steam, his eyes grew wide and began to gleam
When he talked of homosapian behavior

Thou doth protest too much, Thou doth protest too much
We’re don’t know enough of sin so you spell it out for us
There’s an evil agenda and no one we can trust
But I’m thinking -Thou doth protest too much

He began to speculate all the ways we might deviate
From the coupling that leads to procreation
No possibility unexplored, things I’d never heard before
He detailed there and then for our salvation

Then much to my alarm, he mentioned animals on the farm
My kids were looking up at me confused
He left no single detail out, and after that I had no doubt
His knowledge exceeded those accused

Thou doth protest too much, Thou doth protest too much
Time to clean the closet of a whole lot more than dust
While your wife sits quiet in her place with a champion poker face
But I am thinking -Thou doth protest too much

After the fire and brimstone session, he said it’s time for confession
Stand up and repent all your sin
No sensibilities were spared, all the dirty laundry aired,
I swear I saw drool run down his chin
A few last verses from King James, he was kicking ass and taking names
But finally his vitriol was spent
There was nothing left to be heard, but the next time I need the Word
I’ll walk into the woods and pitch a tent.

Thou doth protest too much, Thou doth protest too much
You pass the plate and tell us you’re the one we should trust
But you won’t get a hold of my kids, we’re leaving you in the dust
‘Cause I am thinking -Thou doth protest too much
No, I will not shake your hand, I don’t know where it’s been
But I am sure that doth protest too much