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I love you like a worm loves dirt
I love you as much as amputations hurt

I love you as much as hobos smell
I love you like they love the dinner bell

I love you like midgets love limbo
I love you like STDs love a bimbo

But sometimes I'm down
It'll make you frown
We're gonna fall out of the tree
But that's how it'll go
When you're tied at the soul
To a crazy stupid guy like me

Like a mold spore in a flooded bakery
Thats how happy you make me

Like a flesh eating disease on a wrestling mat
I'm thankful for you just like that

Like an alpaca loves Peru
That's how much I love you

Like a tripping hippie loves a tree
Thats how much you mean to me

(refrain)

I want you to know I think you're the one
Like how surely we'd die without the sun

I want you to know I'm in love with you
Like how surely you'd hate a scorpion in your shoe

That's how surely I love you

I love you like a man without eyelids
Would love a staring contest

I love you like a women who couldn't have any kids
Would love a new uterus

You make me as happy as birds of prey feel
When they see a box of kittens laying out in a field

I love you like a fly love shit
I love you like a fat man lives to sit