DESCRIPTION:
"Agony: An Actor's Life" a parody of "Agony" from Sondheim's "Into the Woods"
Original Music and Lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
Original Parody Lyrics by Joshua Bennett

Parody Lyrics:
Was that producer,
just mocking my pain?
Seems like a guarantee.
I'm always the loser,
I struggle in vain.
Shit, what do they want from me?

AGONY!
All auditions the same.
If you don't have an agent,
be prepared for rejection and shame.

Starting to sour,
been almost four hours,
at auditions for "HAIR"...

My head is ringing,
and everyone's singing,
like no one is there...

(humming)

AGONY!
When you enter a room,
your sides, headshot, and resume,
only spell unemployment and doom!

Agony!
Know you'll never break through.
Auditions frustrating,
rehearse masturbating,
when there's no role to screw.

We are all talented,
clever,
pernicious,
narcissistic,
miserly,
charming,
as nice as we're handsome...

This sounds like a poem.

We are everything Broadway has asked for!
But we know,
they'll say "NO!"
This cycle is mad!

Cause we're drowning in sadness.
When they say things like,
"Well, you're not white enough."
"Seem like you're gay, but tough."
What does that mean?
I laugh:
Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha, HA-HA, HAHAHAHA...

AGONY!
Always a "no"
or a similar speech...

like I'm one inch too small,
or I'm THREE feet too tall.

All roles out of my reach!

AGONY!
Their words cut like a knife.
Oh f*ck,
this is...
MY LIFE!


3/5/15 at Cranky Cabaret
Joria Studios
Manhattan, NYC

Big Thanks to Kris, Jessica, Henry, Katie, and the whole Cranky Crew!