I’ve been suicidal since I was 15/ I’ve been thinking of death and a cleansing with bleach/ I’ve been drinking my failures from old coffee cups/ I’ve been hating myself cuz I’m never enough./ I never go to school cuz I’m scared that I’m failing/ I talk to my family with loneliness trailing/ I hide it too well so they will never know/ until I take my life and they’re reading the note/ I will leave on my pillowcase, I know that it’s been done before/ something so insignificant that they should ignore/ I’ve been cutting my classes more than myself/ in twelfth grade when I thought that I’d escape from my hell/ I’ve been dreaming of smoking my lungs out my chest/ I’ve been thinking of where you are now since you left/ how I’ll never get over that black floral dress/ how since I was 14 you’ve always been the best./ I hate myself when I’m alone and still doing nothing/ a bullet through my head would solve things but I’m bluffing/ until I move out I’ll just hold on for them/ so they won’t find the medicine I lodged in my chest/ and my veins will be empty by the time that they find me/ a beautiful face on a now useless body/ they’ll dress me in white as if I deserve it/ just put me in the ground as if I’m even worth it.
