DESCRIPTION:
The lyrics below have been written to match what is said in the video. They are not entirely similar to the original Broadway cast as a few lines have been slightly altered.

GARY COLEMAN:
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy

NICKY:
I'll say.

GARY COLEMAN:
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!

NICKY:
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN:
Sorry Nicky, human nature;
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY:
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN:
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY:
Yeah...

GARY COLEMAN:
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY:
Sure!

GARY COLEMAN:
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY:
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN:
That's...

GARY AND NICKY:
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY:
Hm, Schadenfreude...
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN:
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY:
"Happiness at the misfortune of others..." Huh! That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN:
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY:
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY AND NICKY:
"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

BOTH:
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great.

NICKY:
We provide a vital service to society!

GARY AND NICKY:
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!

GARY COLEMAN:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E! Haha, baby!

---
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avenue_Q
http://www.avenueq.com/
Show, lyrics, and music created by Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx.

CAST - (of this particular tour)

David Colston Corris as Princeton and Rod.
Tim Kornblum as Brian.
Ashey Eileen Bucknam as Kate Monster, Lucy & others
Michael Liscio, Jr. as Nicky, Trekkie Monster, Bear & others
Lisa Helmi Johanson as Christmas Eve
Antia Welch as Gary Coleman
Kerri Brackin as Mrs. T., Bear & others

Video is of the March 2nd, 2011 nightly showing at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood.

Have a nice day! :-)