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Here's a rap parody I wrote for/about my department, performed by "Rick Horio & Friend" (that's how we were billed). Thanks to the insanely talented Andy Roberts for taking the day off and helping me out this morning. It is NOT easy for me to do this so early in the morning. It's also my first foray into my new rap career. After this I'm quitting my eCom life to pursue my thug life.

And since I'm probably mumbling, here are the lyrics:


I hope you don’t mind
But I’m just taking time
Dropping my rhymes
About eCommerce
So if you'll all just sit back, just relax
Throw down some breakfast snacks
And listen to my fun facts

Let’s start with my boss, Kristy Vasquez
Over the years her hair has been 50 shades of red
She’s taller than a ferris wheel
5’9” with flats, 6’2” with heels

Russ I still can't believe that you're gone
But I hope that you're hearing my song
One small way I know how to say
That I’m still missing you every day

Desmond Chiu, part man, part machine
Does so much work that he needs 3 computer screens
For fun the boy actually likes to run
Training hard for his next marathon

Felix likes nachos
Felix eats nachos
Just where do they go, we don’t know (so skinny)

I hope you don’t mind
But I’m just taking time
Dropping my rhymes
About eCommerce
So if you'll all just sit back, just relax
Throw down some bagel snacks
And listen to my fun facts
About eCommerce

We have two other .Net developers
One with long blonde hair, I call him Thor
Tyson plays guitar and he likes to shred
Next time you see him, make sure you call him Hesh

Rob’s got two cats and a wife
Last name’s Miller, ‘cause he’s living the high life
Near LA Live near the heart of downtown
Call him Rob Base, ‘cause he came to get down

Jesse L, new kid on the block
Hits lots of shows, always ready to rock
Templeton, man I don’t know what you got planned
But call someone else, ‘cause Jesse’s never coming back

Then there’s Marisol
She works on SQL
What’s that? Do you know? ‘Cause I don’t

I hope you don’t mind
But I’m just taking time
Dropping my rhymes
About eCommerce
So if you'll all just sit back, just relax
Throw down some muffin snacks
And listen to my fun facts
About eCommerce

Finally, Rick is my name
HR, this is the day
When I officially say
4 kids, 1 on the way
4 kids, 1 on the way
I’ve got 4 kids, and ONE ON THE WAY

And I'm dropping rhymes
About eCommerce
So if you'll all just sit back, just relax
Throw down some donut snacks
And listen to these fun facts
About eCommerce