DESCRIPTION:
When I first came to Jesus, I was still pretty strung out on drugs and alcohol, and highly prone to falling back into them. I struggled constantly for the first few years of being a Christian (it tapered off, thank God!) and each time I fell back into my "old self" I was sick with guilt. I would walk around just disgusted with myself - I wanted to do what was right, but my entire being craved the very stuff that was killing me.
I struggled with the thought of "losing my salvation" on a minute to minute basis.
How could God love me? I am a total screw up.
Eventually, the Lord led me to a series of scriptures that assured me of His love. He showed me that He loves me as a father loves his children... only infinitely more than any earthly dad could ever love his kids. He was not calling me to trust in the "sinner's prayer" that I had said on my couch that morning after being trashed for so long; he was calling me to "abide in Him." Moment to moment, day to day, in everything I do, he was calling me to acknowledge Him in every decision, and trust that He will guide me.
I still struggle with cravings, but today I know that He is my goal, and my only Hope.
After all, He is God, and I am only a man.