DESCRIPTION:
Walter Van Brunt - Everything Is Home Except Your Wife (1913)
Sample used in the ship appears at: 0:43
('Show More' for lyrics and download!)
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Appearances:
Andrea Doria: 2nd Class Cabin 6, Deck C
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Lyrics
When I come home each time to dine
The housemaid lets me in
she has an eight, yours at a nine
and wears a dreadful grin
I say to her "Suzette my girl, is madam in her room?"
she pauses to arrange a curl and watch my growing gloom
for housemaid's view with fiendish glee a husbands secret woe
mine always rubs it into me
"Is Madame In? Oh No"

Here's your house, with welcome on the mat
Here's your dog, the parrot and the cat
There's the grandpa's clock in the corner of the hall
and the parquet floor to catch you when you fall

There's a bill on a table by the door
there's the cook
oh the soup is on the floor
all the sights and sounds of a happy married life, but not your wife. No not your wife, everything's at home except your wife.

My wife leaves home in time each day
to lunch at some hotel
she likes the cheerful matinee
and shops a bit as well
the things she buys reach home as I return from toil at night
the house maid has them piled up high to greet my fevered sight

and as with hope forever strong
I murmur "is she here?"
she starts the old familiar song
"what? madam home? No fear!"
Here's some hats! I Think I've counted eight
for his pay, the messenger will wait
in the big green box you should perhaps have taken note
there's a Hermione muff and a new chinchilla coat
here's some gloves, you couldn't count the pairs
take a look, at the boxes up the stairs!
you will find up there what'll keep you broke for life, but not your wife.
No not your wife, everything's come home except your wife.

Here's your house, with welcome on the mat
Here's your dog, the parrot and the cat
There's the grandpa's clock in the corner of the hall
and the parquet floor to catch you when you fall

There's a bill on a table by the door
there's the cook
oh the soup is on the floor
all the sights and sounds of a happy married life, but not your wife. No not your wife, everything's at home except your wife.
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Taken from the Cylinder Preservation and Digitization Project, "University of California, Santa Barbara Library."
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 2.5 License
http://cylinders.library.ucsb.edu
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