DESCRIPTION:
Get free downloads at http://www.PhilJComedy.com .

My friend asked me to write a song for her new baby and baby shower. Most people would write about all the potential good in a new life. I chose a different tact.

For fans of Stephen Lynch, Tim Minchin, Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, and Garfunkel and Oates.

Lyrics
Little baby you were brought here by a miracle
And a broken condom
I didn't know sperm carried knives
And somehow you got by the IUD
The diaphragm, the spermicide, and a morning after pill

If Daddy hadn't been so drunk
And Mommy hadn't run out of batteries
If Daddy pulled out on time
Instead of thinking 'bout Angelina Jolie
Then baby you wouldn't be here
You'd have been wiped up with a towel

Little baby will your new life be a happy one
Or will you make your money
Putting sausage between your buns
Will you be a great man who brings peace to all the land
Or the type of guy that lures kids into a big white cargo van?

And since you're pretty scary I'm really glad that you're not mine
And I guess I'm pretty happy that your mommy cheated on me this time
So go ahead and be just as evil as you want to be
Hell yes I dodged that bullet and I'm free.