DESCRIPTION:
This is one of those ‘I never thought I’d write this letter’ moments, but here we go.

For a while now, as the singer and front man for Silent Call, I’ve noticed some strange behaviors in myself. When the band has booked tours or live shows, I’ve felt a great lack of happiness from this. Instead, anxiety and apprehension have spread through my body, crippling me emotionally for days. Show cancellations, on the other hand, haven’t made me disappointed – instead they’ve made me feel a euphoric sort of relief that only comes from narrowly escaping something truly horrible. And there’s something very wrong about being in a band, and feeling like that.

I am seriously beginning to question my ability to be enthusiastic about touring, and about playing live. For those of you who do not know, touring is – for anyone - a hard, hard life. It is late nights, ungrateful work, heavy lifting, stressful traveling… it’s a sweaty back without a shower for days. It’s a constant, aching, infinite sadness, longing for your family. For me, it is also paralyzing stage fright, a soul-hollowing sense of inadequacy, an ever increasing depression and an unremitting anxiety which together suck the color out of life and add a massive, lumbering weight to my shoulders.

To be a musician who publicly declares he dislikes playing live is a hard thing – it’s easy to feel like you’re a priest who doesn’t believe in God - but I can’t deny how wonderful it feels to finally allow myself to put down in words what I’ve been thinking anyway, for some time.

It’s hugely unfair to any band to have a member who sighs every time a show is booked, and feels happy every time one is cancelled. I feel, as one reviewer put it, as ‘a stuck anchor stubbornly holding back the whole ship’. Silent Call deserve to start again with a new singer, with new enthusiasm, with faith in the future and with a deep-seated hunger for success.

This hasn’t been an easy decision to make. Silent Call has been more than just a band, it’s been a brotherhood, and for a quarter of my life I’ve been a proud member of this band, seen it bloom, nurtured it and hoped for its future. Under such circumstances, it’s easy to ‘keep going’ on tradition and loyalty alone. I feel the weight of expectations from fans, from the band, and more than anything, from myself, to keep going, keep striving, keep fighting for that goal. But pushing toward something you don’t want because of a stubborn feeling of pride, accomplishment and loyalty is foolhardy, and I’ve let this foolhardy decision making guide my life and my choices for far too long. It’s time to turn my eyes toward what truly matters to me – toward my family.

I hold nothing but respect, admiration and gratitude for my band mates Micke, Tobbe, Patrik and Daniel, who have been my brothers in arms all these years, and I wish them – and whoever ends up fronting this great band – all the luck in the world. I hope all the fans who have stood behind us, find it in them to stand behind Silent Call in whatever form it chooses to assume.

Cheers, and thanks for all the support you've given us over the years.