The Robot Alliance

ALLIANCER OF THE WEEK:

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WE'RE LAZY!

With Commander Utscoop travelling back and forth between (your) present and future, he and Commander Ty-Bap have had little time to make hymns lately. We're here if you need us! Seeya again soon.



ROBOT ALLIANCE MUSICAL DISKETTE

Our debut EP, "Hymns For A Better Future" is all sold out! And by that we mean we sold a bunch and misplaced some. Either way, we can't find any more. Perhaps we'll make another release in the future.



THE APOCALYPSE IS NOW.

With the invention of robots, you're all gonna die. We, however, will be spared, because we are friends with those viscious metal brains. The robot and us are going to take over the world and live in a giant castle and eat roast beef all day and you won't be welcome. You'll probably be dead so whatevs.



However, you can be saved. The Robot Alliance is a 2-piece band connecting humans to robots through music. Together, we can all be on the same team and live in our giant castle together and eat roast beef and have some really groovy times. If you don't believe me, that's your problem. You'll see in the end.



You'll see.



THE SPARED

(note: very outdated! sorry if you're not on it! you're still spared)



Mark

Tyler

Lysh

Lisa

Mario

Kelsey

Sean

Paul

Nick

Ryan B

Lara

the members of Fly, Griffin, Fly

Nem

Brian

Levi

Evan

Chris

James

Chrix

Shay

Blair

Kevyn

Danni

Jennifer Lee

Jared

The International Group of Pals

Spaceguy

Torrid

Shuyler

Streetlight Scenery

Volcanoless in Canada

Buck

Aaron

Ashley

Jenna Lee

Heather

Stefan

The Chicos!

Fury and the Mouse

Poondogy

Robosexuals!

Maggie

Sarah

Kylie

Kael

Travis 666

Travis' Mom

and the people who added me in the pre-ALLIANCE era are 50% spared. They're living life on the edge right now. Robots will probably only maim them.



THE NON-SPARED



everyone else



It would be a shame if your fridge started shooting ice cubes at you and you died from it. Join the ALLIANCE today!



(if you added me and I forgot to add you to the list, remind me!)



QUESTIONS THAT ARE ASKED FREQUENTLY

Q. Why did you form the ALLIANCE?

A. We are trying to create a universal understanding between robots and humans for the better of society.



Q. Do you make money from it?

A. Sadly, it's a huge financial loss. However, I know robots that know robots that are printing press robots, so it's aiight.



Q. What should I do if a robot attacks?

A. Eat it, sucka! You should've joined the ALLIANCE!



Q. Are all robots going to attack?

A. Yes



Q. Even calculators?

A. Especially calculators.



Q. How would a calculator attack a person?

A. You'll find out the hard way if you keep asking so many questions.



Q. I'd like to join the ALLIANCE but my [religion/parents/morals] don't allow it. What should I do?

A. First of all, you have to think about what's important to you: dying by staying true to your beliefs or living a long life of lies? Unless you're some kind of moral suck, you'd better be joining us!



Q. Does it cost anything to join the ALLIANCE?

A. Unfortunately, our operating costs are through the roof. Basically, give us whatever money you have. We take non-monetary items of value, as well. A live cow would get you a lifetime membership. A deck of cards would get you 20 minutes. Bring everything you got!



Q. A friend of mine said that robots aren't actually going to attack us and there's no evidence that robot technology will get to the point where it cannot be controlled by humans. Should I still join the ALLIANCE?

A. Absolutely. Your friend's a bit of a moron. You see, while today's scientists, politicians and media seek the facts on forming their opinions, we here at the ALLIANCE like to go with a little old thing we call our GUT. If it feels right, go for it! If it makes sense in your head, it must be right! The ALLIANCE makes sense in our heads and I'm sure it'll make sense in your head too!



Q. Are there free drinks and snacks?

A. No. However, we order pitas on Tuesdays and you can get pretty much whatever you want on them.



Q. And lastly, what happens if I don't join the ALLIANCE?

A. In an unknown matter of time, you will die a slow, horrible, robot-initiated death. It'll probably involve lasers and time travel, and you're not gonna like it. I, however, will be chowing down on a chicken caesar pita and drinking orange pop in the comfort of my parents' basement. The choice is yours.



Indeed, the choice is yours.