NUGGET

No one ever thought it was possible. How could three astoundingly inept, disfigured, unattractive males who can't even play power chords get to the point they are today? It grew from nothing. While hunting for treasure in South Africa, drummer Vinny met soon-to-be bassist Max at the popular nudist colony "Wildwood Ranch." Max was not socially trained, to say the least, for he much rather preferred throwing his excrement at Vinny instead of learning the songs. Frustrated at the slow progress of the band and the constant lingering smell of Max's waste, Vinny decided to enlist former cockfighting champion Pat to help potty-train Max and maybe play some guitar. With his incredible amount people skills and girth, Pat assisted in making Max at least somewhat normal, perhaps to the extent of a retarded hippo. And thus NUGGET was born.



Songs were written quickly and shows began to occur. After a few shows, the band traveled to Antarctica to record their first EP with notable Eskimo sound engineer Akkikiktok. The EP was released on January 3, 2008 to an adoring crowd. This EP marked the introduction of NUGGET's famous unicorn mascot. When asked about the meaning behind the unicorn, Pat remarked "I like food." It was scientifically proved a few months later that Pat did, indeed, like food.



It became clear that the people wanted more, so NUGGET spent the whole spring traveling from town to town, spreading their magical joy. The songs gave people hope. "If these ugly retards can play shows, why can't I," was a common question asked at NUGGET shows. With two battle of the bands victories and a lot of double cheeseburgers in their pockets, the NUGGET boys began work on their full-length album in mid-June, 2008. The plan was to record with Akkikiktok again, but he was tragically eaten in a freak polar bear accident. NUGGET was forced to move on to slightly less-wise Eskimo producer Irdlirvirisissong, and came out with sub-par results.



After a mathematically incorrect 8-year tour, NUGGET was ready to record again in late 2008, but this time those pesky Eskimos weren't going to mess it up. NUGGET reluctantly decided to record with non-Eskimo Canon at Last Chance Studios. The recording went incredibly well, for Canon enjoyed launching feces at the wall just as much as any guy. The "Hypocrites" EP was released in the early November of 2008, even with the amazingly controversial album art that was "racist against red people."



In recent news, NUGGET has just discovered a new treasure map, and who knows what adventures will occur while on the hunt? One thing is for certain, though: NUGGET will never record with Eskimos again. Oh, it is also certain that NUGGET will prove all of you wrong and find the treasure before Caterpie does.



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How It Goes