Hello again, sloplords! I, your beloved castle cutie Eric Wing, have returned once again from the mud mines to bring you the top 10 finest shartworks of 1999 – but this time, we’re diving into the death metal sphere. 1999 had plenty to offer musically, but I can assure you that there are equally as many photoslop covers to go around.
Some of you may be wondering why I’m not expanding upon the already massive list of black metal photoslops I provided last time. Put simply, shartwork as we know and love it is not exclusive to black metal. Quite the contrary; this phenomenon permeates all facets of metal, and black metal’s dipshit older brother death metal is no exception. As such, I’ve felt it appropriate to delve into the dregs of whatever the fuck was going on in 1999. And trust me, there was a lot going on in 1999 for death metal album covers – just ask Monstrosity. I would tell you to buckle up, but you and I both know there isn’t much that will prepare you for the clownshittery you’re about to witness.
For those of you who may have missed my first article, here’s a quick recap of what we’re looking for: Obvious and amateurish use of Photoshop layering, band members or other elements on the album cover at 50% opacity, incoherence between elements throughout the cover, and just a general abundance of baffling and nonsensical artistic decisions. The top five of my black metal photoslop article provide a great showcase of all of these elements.
And just like last time, don’t take this list too seriously. Everything is on fucking fire in the real world as I write this, so I think it’s in all of our best interests to chill out and have a laugh while we still can.
Without further ado, let’s begin.
–Eric Wing
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10. Cangrena – Demoniak Transition
Demoniak Transition? I mean, that’s what I’ve been calling it for the past 4 years. Heyooo!
Anyway, this Costa Rican deathgrind outfit released this absolute looker into the world after a 1995 demo that had a pretty hilarious photoslop cover in its own right. But this is a true disasterpiece, so it felt only right to kick today’s list off with this absolute banger… well, visually anyway. I do regret to inform you that this album is a pile of shit musically, but if you’re into toilet vocals on top of some braindead (derogatory) riffs with horrible production, then you may find more substance here than I did. Someone reading this will.
However, we’re here to discuss album art, so let’s get right to it: Why does the pentagram look like a pizza that wasn’t aligned properly on the oven rack? That cheese is gonna slide off and get stuck to the bottom of the oven if you’re not careful. Also, I’m trying my god-damnedest to figure out the foreground, but I truly cannot make heads or tails of it; it’s a befallen naked lady on top of a lake of ice and lava and… slime, I guess? That must be the shit that leaked out of those Morbid Angel CD’s forever ago. Is that landscape right above it ripped from the original Thomas the Tank Engine show? It looks uncannily similar.
Honestly, the real highlight for me is the goofball Scooby Doo villain in the background who seems to be the one conjuring this complete fuckmess, as well as the embossed-but-also-glowing-but-also-transparent logo on top of everything that also happens to be off-center. What, you didn’t notice? Well, you do now. I do love the sky that looks like it also wants to be water but can’t quite decide which. There’s a lot going on here, and if I’m being honest with myself, I love all of it. That makes it all the more disappointing that the music behind it is such a catastrophic letdown.
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9. Blo.Torch – Blo.Torch
Okay, hang on, just hear me out on this. The main reason I’m putting this here is because this record is incredibly good in spite of… well, everything else about it. It is genuinely one of the better old-school melodic death metal records I’ve heard. Meaning, 1990-1999 melodeath, the way it always should have stayed. I fiercely champion that era of melodeath, so I do not give that praise lightly. I’ll inevitably have a heated and opinionated article on melodeath here at some point, so don’t say I didn’t warn you. By the way, Intestine Baalism is not even remotely melodeath, it’s just Incantation with extra steps, and you all need to stop lying to yourselves.
Anyway.
Blo.Torch is a poignant example of bands with abysmal visual direction and even worse band names that somehow manage to make an unbelievably good record; think ZnoWhite’s Act of God or Ophthalamia’s Via Dolorosa. But trust me, when you press play and “Spanish Sun” kicks in after a bit of intro noise, everything will make sense. There’s only a couple of missteps on this thing (skip “King of Karnage”), but this is a rock-solid debut effort.
However, it needs to be addressed: This album cover is, frankly, a fucking mystery to me. In the process of writing this article, I’ve been staring at this godforsaken thing for at least 20 minutes, and I still couldn’t guess what this shit is supposed to be. All I can surmise is that it’s some kind of factory blueprint or diagram that’s being set on fire as a way to protest capitalism or union-busting, and that’s me reaching. It could also just be pieces of a blowtorch, but that would piss me off so much that I would need blood pressure medication. I also need to point out that the “BLO.TORCH” text just fucking sucks. Ew.
Let’s all be honest with ourselves here; if you saw this in the wild with no idea what was inside, you’d never even give it a second look, let alone listen to it or expect it to be good. You’d assume it was some nu-metal horseshit that should stay forgotten. But lucky for you, I’m here to inform you that despite everything working against it, it is an incredible record. Well played, Blo.Torch.
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8. Dark Tranquillity – Projector
Ugh. Remember when I said that my inevitable 90s melodeath article would be heated? You’re about to get a taste of it here. I would say I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t lie to you like that.
There are few bands on this planet who have simultaneously brought me immeasurable joy and yet pissed me clean the fuck off to the degree that Dark Tranquillity has. And let me be clear, the aforementioned joy is bountiful: Skydancer is in my all-time top 10, all of their material from 1991-1996 is exceptional, and even The Mind’s I still has plenty to offer.
Then they released Projector.
This album is the genesis of the massive disappointment that Dark Tranquillity has become. Mikael’s clean vocals border on parody, and the riffs are on their last gasp of having any bite to them; guitarist Fredrik Johansson (R.I.P.) would leave DT after this record. Projector paints the portrait of a band who, just 3 years prior, were on a white-hot streak, and now has only gotten worse in the 30 years since. I can’t be kind about this; we’re talking about the same band that wrote fucking “Crimson Winds.” Like, I’m sure they’re all nice guys, but goddammit.
More to the point, this album’s artwork is indicative of their inexplicable hard pivot to completely flaccid album covers; a trend that persists to this day in soul-crushing fashion. The increasingly industrial brutalist approach to their cover art has been baffling to witness, and it started with Projector. It looks like they’re sealing away the lady from the cover of the 1993 Tranquillity compilation, never to be seen or heard from again. On that note, why the naval hatch door? Were they feeling inspired by Sandy Cheeks’s treedome? I also hate the random bullshit strewn about in the dead space of the cover; it doesn’t add anything of substance. Everything about this record pisses me off. How the fuck did we go from The Gallery’s art to this shit?
The long and short of it is this: This band had an untouchable run for six solid years, then proceeded to shit the bed for the following 30, and there’s seemingly no end in sight. Shame on you, Dark Tranquillity. At least I’ll always have Skydancer.
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7. Vociferation Eternity – Meadow’s Yearn
Okay, sorry about that last bit; 90s melodeath gets me worked up. Onto a cool and fun entry now!
If you aren’t aware of Vociferation Eternity, you’re missing out big time. Do yourself a favor and get familiar with them, because this Malaysian melodeath project has plenty to offer. Both this record and 1996’s Ocean Myth are fucking phenomenal entries into the 90s melodeath pantheon, and they deserve far more attention than they’ve apparently gotten. Hell, go listen to their two demos and the For Thee EP while you’re at it. You won’t regret it.
Most VE album covers are standard fare – medieval artworks, ocean photography, the cosmos, etc – but Meadow’s Yearn offers up a fine slab of shartwork for us to indulge upon, and I intend to do so with reckless abandon. This cover almost has some black metal steez to it with the use of the galaxy layer and ornate geometry at half transparency a la Midvinter, but my favorite element has to be the fact that there are two members’ faces just barely blended into the left and right sides of the cover, which I am 100% certain you didn’t notice until right now and will never unsee. You’re welcome.
I also want to commend Vociferation Eternity here on the chosen color palette for this photoslop; the shades of blue are excellent, and the logo pops while never distracting from the rest of the image. Just great work all around here.
Between them and Sil Khannaz, Malaysian melodeath had some strong pillars back in the day. On that note, if you want a sample of what Malaysian metal in general is capable of, go listen to the Storm of Nebiula split that VE and SK are a part of with some other Malaysian bands. It’s a solid showcase of their scene from that era.
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6. Sabbatic Feast – Scaling the Vortex
Ha! Holy shit, what a sight to behold. Honestly though? This kicks ass. Louisiana brutal death metal never looked so fun.
The name Scaling the Vortex is apt because I can’t figure out if the aspect ratio of this cover needs to change or not. The oppressively glowing logo and moon making up the top half of the cover look stretched vertically, but then when you look at the stairs, the dirt mounds(?) recreating that ambiguously satanic symbol, and the fucking gigantic album title text, it looks fine. Optical illusions like this are always so weird to untangle anyway, but I have to assume that this one is unintentional, which makes it that much better. I hated this cover when I first saw it, but since staring at it, I’ve done a complete 180. This thing rocks.
Musically, Scaling the Vortex feels like a brutal death metal-flavored gumbo of Broken Hope, Disgorge, and whatever else was hot in the death metal world at the time. Cannibal Corpse’s Gallery of Suicide and Suffocation’s Despise the Sun EP would have been brand new when this record came out, which gives them a totally different perspective instead of just measuring them against the context of today’s music, which is a bit unfair.
But even then, this record is pretty damn good! To give you an idea, I basically never listen to brutal death metal aside from None So Vile and maybe Eternal Suffering’s Remain Forever in Misery demo on occasion – I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m a 90s symphoblack and melodeath girly – but I can see myself easily going back to this record every so often. I’ve had it playing while writing this and been having a great time. It’s definitely worth checking out.
Unfortunately, there is a layer to Sabbatic Feast that, somber though it may be, I feel is worth mentioning out of respect for some talented folks from a good band. Tragically, three of the five members of this band have passed away in the last eight years: Guitarist/vocalist Josh Clement, guitarist Sean Anders, and bassist/vocalist Chad Segura. May they all rest in power. It’s a shame, but lead vocalist Levi “Lord Scab” Fuselier and drummer Bryan “Xul Myron” Schultz are thankfully still with us. With that in mind, I offer a heartfelt skål and condolences to the departed and remaining. Thanks for making a great record, fellas.
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5. Necronomicon – Pharaoh of Gods
Ah yes, Necronomicon. A Canadian metal staple whose name I’ve seen on countless tour posters and death metal articles (whoops), who have been around for-fucking-ever and are consistently releasing material going back to the early 90s, and who at this point could very easily be considered certified legends of their scene if you look at their entire career up to this point. They’ve been at it for almost 40 years, and yet somehow, I have not once in my life met a single solitary person who has ever said, “Oh yeah, they’re great, big fan of their stuff.”
Now don’t get me wrong, that is in no way an indictment of their quality or competence or otherwise, it’s just more fascinating than anything else. It’s frankly half the reason I’m adding them into this list in the first place, even though that album cover has more than earned its spot by itself; I want to unpack what the fuck is going on with this band. I’ve got half a mind to deep dive Necronomicon’s discogronomicon and try to figure out what the disconnect is.
On that note, I’ve been listening to Pharaoh of Gods as I write its entry, and by all accounts, it’s pretty damn good! Certainly better than fucking Projector. Blegh. The Egyptian theme is cool to see here too, especially since this was happening around the same time as Nile’s debut and Apophis’s exceptional Heliopolis–definitely check that one out. Egyptian mythology has always had a seat at the table for death metal themes, but it hadn’t been explored much at all until many years later with the likes of Crescent and Maat. However, Necronomicon jumped at the opportunity in 1999; the track “Becoming the Hands That Carry the Spirit” from this record in particular is delightfully Coptic.
Now let’s address the sphinx in the room: that godawful album cover. The first thought I had when I saw this was that it looks like a still frame from Michael Jackson’s “Remember the Time” music video. But I have to say, it does warm my heart to see the use of galaxy images in a death metal photoslop; it’s otherwise unheard of outside of black metal circles.
As I was looking at the pyramids in the foreground, I had a realization: This is the same fucking pyramid photo that was in every history book you ever had back in grade school if you’re currently in your 30s. I could never hate this album cover for that. However, I can vehemently despise it for a different reason: Necronomicon had the absolute perfect opportunity to use Papyrus font for the album title and they completely fumbled it. Despicable.
Joking aside, I’ve warmed up to Necronomicon as I’ve been writing this entry. Some of Canada’s finest death metal? I’m not so sure, but what I am sure of is that Pharaoh of Gods is a damn good record given its time and contemporaries, and that photoslop cover is the stuff of Nefertiti’s dreams. You’re alright by me, Necronomicon. May the blessings of Horus be upon you.
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4. Civil Carnage – Abomination in the House of God
Now we’re talking. This is fucking hysterical. Not just the cover, but the record as a whole. If their promo bio and reviews on their label’s website are anything to go by, we are in for a fucking ride. Hope you’re sitting down for this one.
This is the lone release from Civil Carnage, a Canadian brutal death metal project that simply needs to be heard to be believed. I can only describe the music on this record as “hanging on for dear life”, and I mean that with full sincerity and the utmost respect. The guitars and drums are desperately trying to lock in with each other for each section, and they just barely make it happen, but it’s on the verge of complete collapse at any given second. The vocals seem to follow their own path entirely, and the bass is there, I think; haven’t confirmed yet, but I’ll circle back.
What keeps fucking me up about this is that it looks like a vampiric black metal album cover; by all accounts, this should sound like Cradle of Filth from Dollar Tree. Instead of that, we have one of the most abrasive and exhausting records I’ve ever listened to… but I kinda love it. Not in an earnest way, to be clear, but this album is a great representation of the “so bad it’s good” ideology. It’s almost impressive how unbelievably buzzy the guitars are in an already piss-poor mix, but the real star of the show is that fucking snare making an unrelenting racket. Actually, it’s scarily close to the St. Anger snare that wouldn’t be heard until four years later, and for that I can never truly hate this record. I could sit here all day and try to explain Abomination in the House of God to you, but you need to hear it for yourself. Jesus.
Music aside, let’s unpack this shartwork. Get a load of the Phantom of the Slopera over here. Is he holding a fucking fish? You better fry that sumbitch up and hand me a beer with it or we’re gonna have a problem. Even though it’s basically impossible to find this cover in any kind of half-decent resolution (I had to pull this from the lone YouTube video of the record and re-angle it), you can still tell that the background of it looks like the Asylum Demon’s arena if you squint just right. The medieval tapestry table is just as much of a headscratcher as anything else going on here too. Y’know, this cover is like that Darkness of Blood record’s edgy little brother who keeps trying to outdo his sibling but just comes across as cringe; I fear he’s losing the room.
The more I stare at this godforsaken lummox of a record, the less I can think of to say about it. I think it might be actively killing my brain cells. Let’s move on before things get dire. Uffda.
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3. Swordmaster – Moribund Transgoria
Holy Hot Topic, Batman! What in the name of Ville Valo is going on here?
This is Moribund Transgoria [insert trans joke] by Swordmaster, a black metal (early)/melodic deathrash (later) band from Sweden helmed by Emil Nodtveidt. You probably know his older brother Jon. Yes, really. This band was active from 1993 until 2000 when they changed their name to Deathstars, who are apparently a big fucking deal in the gothic industrial metal world, at least if their social media stats are anything to go by. But we’re here to discuss Swordmaster, so discuss them we shall.
This record was Swordmaster’s final release before the name change, so you’d probably assume there’s a bunch of industrial shit going on that led to Deathstars, but you’d be dead wrong. This is, in fact, a well-crafted melodic death metal record with thrash elements and what I can only describe as “Avenged Sevenfold solos,” but the kind they were playing on City of Evil. However, this precedes that record by six years, so it’s bizarre hearing that playstyle before it was basically trademarked by them. This record also screams past you at a mere 35 minutes, so it’s a pretty low-risk commitment to give it a spin.
Despite all of that, we know why we’re here. I alluded to it earlier, but there is no fucking way that at least one member of this band was not a massive fan of H.I.M.’s debut record and allowed it to inspire the album cover here. It’s painfully obvious. But, let’s not ignore the rest of the cover, because there is some supreme clownshittery afoot here. The strings of text swirling around the cover being blocked off at random points but still leaving the phrase “victim moans” visible isn’t my favorite thing ever, frankly. Don’t love that. I’m trying to look for other shit to make fun of, but that massive-mouthed gargoyle thing in the bottom right corner has me laughing too fucking hard to make any progress.
Suffice to say, this entire cover is a prime example of what happens when you get overzealous with your photoslop; you can’t just go in and start slapping layers together and expect it to work, you gotta have some kind of a vision first. Remember, you can’t spell shartwork without art. That said, it’s still worked out beautifully, and for that I commend them. Not to mention that this record is just good in general. It’s absolutely worth taking the time to check out.
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2. In Thy Dreams – The Gate of Pleasure
Fuck dude, relax. Good lord.
Obscene horniness notwithstanding, I’ve come to the conclusion that this album is nearly perfect. The Gate of Pleasure is a glistening and scintillating example of what I love in a melodeath record, and I would put it right up there with some of the best the genre has to offer. In particular, this record reminds me of gems such as Gates of Ishtar’s At Dusk and Forever, Ebony Tears’ Tortura Insomniae, and A Canorous Quintet’s Silence of the World Beyond, just to name a few. Also, these guys definitely like Slaughter of the Soul. A lot. Only difference is they understand what makes it a good album in the first place and didn’t decide to add breakdowns to it and fuck everything up and send melodeath into a blistering spiral it’ll never recover from.
Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Anyway, The Gate of Pleasure measures up perfectly with its next of kin, and I would say if you had to pick only one album on this list to check out, make it this one. It may be unrelenting in its delivery and doesn’t slow down at all, but it also careens by in a mere 32 minutes, so you don’t have any excuse to ignore it. Get after it, bud.
Even though The Gate of Pleasure’s aggressively green and horny cover makes me a bit uncomfortable (editor’s note: don’t know what you expected with a title like that), I have a job to do, so I’ll power through it. Despite everything going on here, the first thing that made me laugh was the Diablo font for the album title. It’s too perfect. This could easily be the mockup art for a Diablo II mod or something. Not to be outdone, the codpiece on one of Charlie’s Devils there looks an awful lot like Diablo’s head as well.
While we’re focused on the three women here, at first I thought they were all just wearing an amount of fishnet that would surpass the Hardy Boyz’s finest efforts, but upon closer inspection, it looks like their skin has adopted the texture of either scales or golf balls. For comedic effect, I’m going to assume it’s the latter. I also love the obviously mirrored skull-adorned pillars with demons holding swords carved into them. The whole thing comes together into one photoslopped masterpiece that exhibits some real ass-kicker activity; Just phenomenal stuff all around. I absolutely love this shartwork.
The only thing I take issue with is the band logo being in the upper left. You guys couldn’t have just shrunk the Kanker Sisters down a bit and scooted the logo over to the middle to maintain symmetry? Baffling.
Even still, this is expertly crafted, and In Thy Dreams has earned this #2 spot effortlessly. I would have given them the gold medal here, but… well, you’ll see.
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1. Plastic Grave – Back from the Bed
Yes, this is 100% real. I am not even remotely fucking with you. This might be my favorite album cover of all time, full stop. Be honest, is this not the greatest fucking thing you’ve ever seen? For me, it absolutely is. When I give something the distinction of “10/10, no notes” in the photoslop world now, it’s gotta be on this level. This is the new gold standard as far as I’m concerned.
The moment I found this record’s cover, I was dying to hear what it sounded like. I didn’t even look it up on Metallum or anything, I just immediately sought it out and pressed play. Turns out it’s a deathgrind record from Czechia. The best part? It’s pretty fucking good. I’ll even call it great. It’s never going to be in a “Best of 1999” list outside of this niche bullshit I’m peddling here, but these motherfuckers can rip a good riff and some shitty vocals with the best of ‘em. Like, I would listen to this any day and it would be a great time (aside from a couple of the samples… yeesh). But yeah, it’s a decently fun record. If I’m being honest, it almost feels too good to be true.
Apologies for the lack of zingers here, but I get stunlocked every time I look at this. I’m trying my best to be witty, but I just can’t believe this thing is fucking real. I think what I love most about this is that the cover is a rip of a Dragon Ball Z poster from the Buu saga, which has always been the saga nearest and dearest to my heart for sentimental reasons. I’ve been a DBZ kid since I was roughly 10 years old, so this absurd Czech deathgrind tape from 1999 tugs at my heartstrings a bit. But even with all that said, the bottom line is that this shit fucking whips. It’s a blast to listen to, with a lot of blasts to listen to.
In the interest of doing my job, let’s dissect this final photoslop. I’ve mentioned in my black metal slop list that adding egregious amounts of glow to your image layers is a sign of a proper shartwork, and who better to bestow that upon than the Z fighters? Aura is kind of their whole deal. What sends this over the edge for me is the fucking balloons in the background. I was in tears the first time I realized exactly what those were. Also shoutout to the “We Are the World”-ass logo design they slapped together for this one; this cover definitely wasn’t bemusing enough already. And I’m afraid to ask, but is the text for the title and panels supposed to be some kind of… mock-Asian typeface for the English alphabet? I feel weird even just asking that. Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the looping cranial x-rays on the J-card spine panels. I assume they probably have a brain tumor or something in them; this is a deathgrind band after all. What a fucking mess from port to starboard.
As I draw this last entry to a close, I find myself reflecting upon the level of absurdity we’ve unearthed here. Plastic Grave have achieved something magical with this, and earned the #1 spot beyond a shadow of a doubt. I can confidently say I have sincerely and unequivocally never seen anything quite like this album cover in my fucking life. It defies logic, it dismisses reason, and laughs in the face of sensibility and convention. I believe that as metal fans, we should all try to follow these principles in our day-to-day lives as well. Go forth and be your truest self in spite of all that stands in your way.
Wait, what the fuck does Back From the Bed mean?
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As an aside, you’re probably aware that I am a born-and-raised Minnesotan and that I love this state with all my heart. You’re probably also aware of what has been going on here since the start of 2026. The reality is that this is still going on, and anything that you can do to help keep our state and our communities safe is crucial. If you aren’t a bootlicker and would like to lend a hand, please donate to MIRAC and other adjacent organizations that are working towards protecting our immigrant neighbors and bringing them back home safely. Reality is fucking terrifying, so the best thing we can do is try to help each other navigate it. Thank you.
Adios sloplords. Until next time.
Love and hails.
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