Dracula

This biographical time-line may be (IS) grotesquely inaccurate.



Feb. 14th 1979 Brian Scott Jones is born in centre Iowa to Edgar, a train conductor, and CarolAnn, a woman.



1982 Beej picks up his first instrument, a scalpel. It is quickly taken away from him and he is swatted on the hand.



1984 At the edge of 5, Brian wins the Little Miss Des Moines competition. The title is revoked 4 months later when it is revealed that Mr. Jones wasn't a "Miss" at all; he had been married a year earlier.



1991 Forms his first band with long time friend Chris Spizolli. The duo plays four shows- birthday parties mostly- covering Milli Vanilli hits. The group disbands shortly after.



1995 Brian's stoopid parents move him to Kansas City. No one in Missouri likes him. Well, for a while, at least.



1998 Wins his high-school talent show doing a vicious cover of Bob Dylan's "You Ain't Goin Nowhere". He celebrates by stealing beers from his father and drinking on the roof of a nearby church. Alone. Cold.



1999 Moves briefly to San Diego. Moves back to Iowa to attend some college. Spends his days learning geography and his nights exploring the seemy underbelly of downtown Iowa.



2000 Is arrested in a Hy-Vee for being drunk. When asked how he got to the grocery store, he tells the police "I flew here in my spaceship."

Seriously.



2001 Continues making tapes of his work while attending some other college.



2002 Moves to Portland, OR. to seem cool. Reunites with Chris Spizolli and forms the band Horsey Pony.



2004 While STILL going to school (this time, some school in OR.,) begins recording what you today know as Dracula. On the recordings, he plays all of the instruments himself. He is also fond of harmonizing with himself. but only when no one is looking.



this profile was created by a MR Brandon Leftridge formerly of KC, MO.

now of Chicago, IL.