Achille Lauro

the formation of the beast known as Achille Lauro happened a long time ago in the distant land of Centennial Colorado. Jon and Grace Mossman were gathering supplies to prepare themselves for the arrival of their third and final child, Luke. His older brother Ben, already three years of age, was almost completely obsessed with the art and feel of Afro Peruvian beats. although this obsession would eventually define his existence, at the age of three Ben still referred to this passion as "bam bam time". and then.



on september 28th Luke Mossman was brought into this beautiful world. naked. screaming. and longing to rip the guitar apart. the stars aligned, the universe moaned, the seas raged, and Achille Lauro was born. Ever since then Luke and Ben have been battling it out on their respective instruments: Ben on his "bam bam" kit (drums) and Luke on his "stringy thingy" (guitar).
almost 27 years later a curly haired shy boy from Adel, Iowa longed for something more. something he could see. something he could feel. but something he couldn't describe. as fate would have it Colorado called his father direct and stated "Don, times are a changing. crime runs wild in our streets. we need law. we need order. we need Don Close!". Don respectfully responded, "That's all you had to say mother fucker!" He packed up the babies and grabbed the old lady and ventured west toward Parker, Colorado.
reluctant at first, Don's oldest son, Matthew, agreed to enroll in the local public high school, "the ponderosa." because Matthew had been previously educated his entire life by the words and wisdom of the wilderness, never once had he placed a single paw in a classroom. his classroom was always the frontier. always the unknown. always exciting. but alas, he now found himself in a new and rather dull frontier: public high school. like many "new kids" Matthew kept to himself. he rarely conversed with other students. he and longed for something more.
as the days passed and grew longer Matthew learned that the school he attended was only called "the ponderosa" on paper. to the outside world, it was a normal everyday public school. but on the inside, the rules of the normal world didn't apply. it wasn't called pondersosa; it was "JONderosa". the whole place was run by this single kid. the test scores. the snow days. the teachers payroll. everything. nothing went in or out of that school without Jonny's long girthy fingers in it. at first Matthew hated this. the idea of a single student dictating whether or not there would be pizza in the cafeteria enraged him. he wanted pizza every fucking day. but once again the stars aligned, and the two found themselves face-to-face outside the gym next to the coke machine. with nothing more to do but stare at each other, Jonny decided to speak. "you like black sabbath?". Matthew took a second to analyze whether or not this was a trap, then replied "No. I much prefer Led Zeppelin". the honesty in his responce floored Jonny. "this kids got NUT" he thought to himself. After a long, dead silence Jonny spoke, "My name is Jonathan Edward Evans the FIRST. I play the bass guitar. and you're going to be my guitar player." the two slipped into another silence. Matthew eventually gathered enough courage to speak: "sure."
and that was that. achille lauro was formed.