STILLBILLIES

The STILLBILLIES are more than just 4 assed-out losers who cringe at the thought of keeping a day job. They're a brotherhood of truly over-rated musicians determined to make their mark in rock-n-roll history. After 5 years together their accolades rival some of the most unimpressive bands in the NorthWest. Since their inception way back in 2004 they've managed to book gigs at the crustiest bars in Clatsop County and even a few in Tillamook. They've showed up for over half of these, often courting apathetic crowds of a dozen or more!

"Ya know you had a wild show." raves singer Hamil Sleepy Brown during a gig at The Glory Hole Saloon, ".when after its over you find yerself hugging the big white telephone screaming for 'Ralph! Ralph!'. Its unreal.seeing yer dreams come true!"Seventy-one year old lead guitarist, Hot Karl, brings more than a geriatric, throwback vibe to the band. He also sports some really cool shoes. Once when asked about his ultra fine pedestrian attire Hot Karl suavely chimed "Ain't you gonna ask me about my shoes?"Edger "The Toe" Humphrey, the twitchy savant behind the doghouse bass, is a man of few words. Severely humble and of little talent Edger once said "I'll put this thing up my nose if someone buys me a shot a Makers.yes, definitely Makers."Alas The STILLBILLIES like many lackluster go-nowhere bands have experienced their share of heartache while traversing the long, hard road to mediocrity. In 2006 beloved drummer Joe Bob Billy was accosted by a handful of over zealous fans after a show at Mable's Bait, Beer, & Cheese Emporium. He was killed in the attack but not before Hot Karl was able to steal his wallet. Unfortunately it only contained $5 Canadian, which although is now worth more than $5 American, was refused by the bartender.(not even good for Canadian whiskey!)In the spirit of not having a real job The STILLBILLIES carried on eventually finding drummer Kev "The Bombastic Diaper Changer" Rainheart, followed by Jeffo "The Hard 'un" Carden and finally Jason "two-ball" Hall to fill Joe Bob Billy's extremely stinky shoes.

The STILLBILLIES are definitely a band that's almost worth listening to and someday soon they'll be bigger than Ann Coulter's adams apple. Be one of the first to say "I liked em' before all the other hipsters. I'm OG rockabilly!" and you won't regret it until you move out of Mom's basement. Mel Rubensteinawitz- Craptone Records

"The STILLBILLIES are arguably the greatest musical combo to ever grace this miserable little planet." - Former President Richard M. Nixon