Rubberdiculous

Rubberdiculous grew from a plethora of experiences and influences. ( NONE OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO MISSILANEOUS DRUGS, ALCOHOL, POOPING, LSD, OR SEX WITH MEN WOMEN OR ANIMALS. ) Rubberdiculous was first formed a while agothough they all new each other even longer than that.

Over the years the band has changed many shapes ( NONE OF WHICH WERE SHEEP, GOATS OR OSTREGES).

It all started back in 1983 when MC Boner Fantastico decided to go on a pilgrimage. He had just been released from Philadelphia State Mental Hospital where he learned how to rap. You see, Boner realised that the very best musical talent is never what you hear on the radio but more realistically what you'll never hear anywhere! His first stop was said to be The Florida Stat Penitentiary For the Criminally Insane. Esachel Bantastic was said to have built a bass like instrument called "The Colon Gutter" . When the low 'F' string is hit just right.well it makes a mess. Needless to say it only took a few pipe bombs and a quart of nitroglycerin to get him out.

They then forged a path to find percussion. What they found was a pair of Pirellos. Brothers to be exact, and both of them absolutely bat shit crazy. Both were originally from the group "Wristwatch Crisco" and were more than happy to get aboard the RD wagon-o-death. C U Pirello happened to know just the person to fill the last spot. So they set of for tijuana mexico where they recruited famed street performer Knobb The Disturbed who plays an electric instrument made solely from razor blades. Together they formed RUBBERDICULOUS.

They got their fist gig and where brainwashed by psychologist Stigler Jiffy with powerful hallucinogen JB318 to work at Jiggles Titty Bar and Message Parlor from 1984-2001 When Esac burned that motherfucker down and they all fled to Spokane WA. where they cleaned up and started anew.

After Stigler and his Jigglies moved away to the Colorado Rockies, they began to grow much more distant from each other. The crossdressing homosexual deviants from the massage parlor were forced to become seragant mothers. Stigler decided to forget about the past and follow his life long dream to become a prostate cancer specialist. Dr. Jiffy. When all of the Mescal wore off and the Special Victims Unit let him out of the holding cell, he was well on his way, when one day, and I believe it was on a Tuesday, he accidentally cut off his own balls. Vowing to himself never ever to touch a blade again (unless used for dead hookers, midgets, and basketball players) he tryed to get in touch with his old Rubberdiculous crew. Needless to say, none of them were to be found, due to a freak Tornado warning!

As the RD crew all found sanctuary in an old abandon mine, the Pirello Brother's thought it would be a good idea to go scouting in the woods for mountain goats. We never saw them again. "WHY! WHY GOD?!," we all shouted, until we realized that we were actually Shintoists and don't belive in GOD.

So the years went by. Most of the days were spent cleaning up spilt bong water and semen stains from jacking off to much. It was at least 3 months in a row that Esachal forgot to brush his teeth. Boner was in a catatonic state almost facing death or worse (he wouldn't be able to so much as scat 1 note). If it wasn't for Knobb the Disturbed and his ever growing arsenal of Tibetin fortune cookie lingo, the band was sure to parish. So he sought out to find his best friend, the guru Cumintuhard who was fluent in fortune cookie lingo and knew that he could help the band connect once again. He never found a guru, but he did find a bald middle aged fat guy in spandex who was waving a dildo around screaming "AHH! My ass is on fire." He told Knobb to travel to the great metropolis of Belt, Montana where he would find famed Drum Master Uncle Ben. After a few short hours in a suped up pinto the band would arrive at Uncle Ben's domicile (Broken down Geo). After tough negotiations, a few hits of Salvia, and a 2 hour explaination of how genital warts form, Benjamin decided that he would only return to Spokane if they could offer him lots of Money, Women, and Sexual favors. RD had no money or women, but they could give sexual favors (and rather enjoyed to give them to). So he joined the band and they would go on to become one of the most talented acrobatic, white trash, G funk, Saturday Morning Cartoon paraplegic song writers of the 21rst Century. HMMMIf only they had a Sax player.



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