Greetings fellow users! As some of you are aware, I’ve started a little user review competition in which the winner receives an automatic feature, as well as a “user spotlight” session. It basically consists of an informal chat in which I ask some personal questions as well as some silly ones.
This week, Sputnik mainstay Michael Snoxall won a hard-fought user review challenge with his coverage of Eternal Champion’s The Armor of Ire (here).
Foreword by Tristan Jones:
When I was in Boy Scouts as a young buck, I remember an explanation of the Scouts’ custom of shaking with the left hand, as opposed to the right. It was meant to be a sign of trust, lowering your shield in order to greet your fellow warrior. That’s a pretty good analogy of Sputnik ex-staff Eli K. (Xenophanes) and user Michael Snoxall (OvDeath) dropping their guards, allowing an exchange of deep-rooted personal musings as brethren. Honoured, I acted as the mediator, and the instigation between myself and Eli went something along these lines:
(Dramatization)
Tristan: Hey Eli would u like to do an interview for this week’s review challenge? it’ll be a real wing dinger
Eli: tbh you couldn’t pay me enough. which, incidentally, would be zero anyway.
Tristan: *at this point I typed something about likening Eli to Leonidas from the film “300” due to his rather striking beard but then I caught onto Eli’s aloof demeanour and decided against that, so I hit the DELETE button a few times and instead wrote*: But it would be for Sowing, tho I know you kinda think he’s a bit goofy iirc
Eli: oh w8 it’s for Sowing? well “Tristan” anyone who knows me knows i’ll cross the highest mountains and swim the deepest seas for Sowing; he’s a rad dude who gets more flak than warranted and low-key one of his The National reviews saved my life but don’t tell anyone
Tristan: that seems pretty uncharacteristic of you actually but i guess who am i to make a judgement of your life / i’m only passing by
Eli:interesting use of a Zero 7 reference thar
Tristan: thanks, oh btw the interview is for Snox
Eli: I’ll do it
ill go full bitch
So, friends, let us bear witness to a clash of titans, a handshake of Mavericks and Icemen, an anemone of the sea and a sonic of plumbers, a Fred Durst in a Christian coffee shop.
Eli: So I didn’t know that we did interviews for users because frankly I like to pretend that you don’t exist. What do you think of the new interview format?
Snox: You know, I don’t mind it. They’re funny little additions to the site that are good for a laugh, kind of like your reviews.
Well mermaids don’t lose sleep over the opinions of shrimp so imma let that one slide like your chances of becoming staff. Moving on…How has Sputnik enriched your so called existence?
That was a low blow but I’m also pretty sure you had to google that insult like you do most of your adjectives.
If my life were a fresh bed of soil and I’m the seed, Sputnik would be the fetid compost that helps enrich my soil and thus, my growth.
Well admittedly I’m not so great at this intrerview format. I’m trying to get inside the head of its brainchild, SowingSeason, but I can only get so far into the mind of a straight conservative guy from Pennsylvania before wanting to fucking off myself. Which leads me to my next question: what inspires you to be the biggest contrarian in a sea of troglodyte users?
I feel like to get truly into that mindset you’d need to listen to Brand New so much that you’d again want to fucking off yourself so I understand it can be a difficult process.
I feel like my inspiration comes once again from my compost metaphor; to be better than common trash I have to be above it all times. Not ceding to common opinion is a part of that.
I feel like you really didn’t leave that open for me to take another swing so…uh, Ghoulgatha sucks?
You’re losing your edge in your old age, maybe you need to listen to more Ghoulgotha since they seem to inspire some of your better jabs. This interview’s gonna lose steam real quick if neither of us come up with some more redundant witticisms soon.
You dig the new Darkthrone?
Yeah, it kills. I feel like it doesn’t quite have the replay value of Underground Resistance or Circle the Wagons but it’s nice to hear then emphasising black, death and doom metal elements for the first time in a little while.
Yeah it’s like the added doom but left out the bass but it’s super fun. It wore out pretty quickly. New Ulcerate is as good as Ulcerate can be, too.
My CD came today so I’m gonna give it a few more spins this week. Haven’t heard the new Ulcerate but I’m looking forward to it, I tend to be in the mood for them less and less these days but when I’m in the mood they hit the spot. Brilliant live, too.
If you dig them you’ll dig it. It’s great but it’s basically EtF v1.4. I guess that’s good enough. Not sure where the interview goes from here tbh
Yeah I know, users aren’t interesting enough to interview so it’s always just a bunch of random questions. We could always play that music shuffle game where I just show off my deadly music taste, but I’m afraid it’ll all just be ‘Sisters of the Moon’ by Fleetwood Mac because that’s truthfully the only thing I ever listen to.
Yeah I for sure should have read the other interviews because I’m really flailing here. Too bad I didn’t brush up on what BringMetheOpeth_666 had to say to one of the staff members but oh well.
Just shuffled and got a song by Beketh Nexhemu and I’m breathing a sigh of relief for it not landing on the Mamamoo or Say Anything that plagues my phone.
Honestly that all sounds like stuff SowingSeason would listen to so maybe you two aren’t so different after all. Can’t wait for his next list about testing the waters with black metal whilst looking at Taylor Swift to keep his morale high.
While I’d love to open up that can of worms I gotta get back to work. I’m an editor irl which is laughable if you’ve ever read any of my reviews.
It really is laughable. I fill shelves at a supermarket so at least one of us isn’t a hypocritical bastard who doesn’t belong.
Sending a very cold and resentful thank you from the Sputnik staff for your service today.
Thanks for the interview!
