pAppY

pAppY was signed up initially for a one-record deal, but after debut album Smack That Bitch Like You Just Don't Give A Shit(1996) went triple-platinum, Sony immediately signed pAppY on for a further 4 albums, and gave him the keys to the company washroom.



pAppY couldn't help but gain popularity with each passing single, and it seemed he was destined for the big time. Fast cars, luxurious mansions, springer spaniels. he had it all.



It was at this point in his life when everything started to go wrong. Firstly, notorious ex-girlfriend Michael Jochum told the press that she was expecting a love-child with pAppY. Jochum had also expressed her love for scientology, and so was not the ideal mother for pAppY's baby. pAppY denied any relation had ever taken place, but DNA testing later proved otherwise. This affair was detailed in pAppYs 2001 single "Silly Bitch".



"Silly Bitch is not my lover

She's just a girl who thinks that I am the one"



Secondly, he suffered an attempt on his life, when fellow gangster rapper, the late, great Sixpac fired 8 rounds at him with a cabbage-rifle. He survived, but spent the next 4 months in a series of hospitals.



pAppY recovered and released his new album Mr. T Ain't Got Shit On Me in 2001. pAppY realised that he could have died in the attempt on his life, and decided to live each day as if it were his last.



It was at this point that pAppY's life took a turn for the bizarre. He took up several furry creatures as companions and turned them into his new crew. His once youthful and boyish good looks were replaced by that of a weathered old man. His locks began to curl and his tanned complexion became more and more pale. It was becoming obvious to all and sundry that something was amiss.



Appearing on an Oprah special in the mid 90s, pAppY told the millions watching that he was happy in his life and that everything was fine. He also made it quite clear that he was not undergoing cosmetic surgery. Despite his lies, evidence that his face was undergoing some kind of transformation was finally obvious when he was spotted out shopping complete with large bulbous red nose. Those closest to him who have agreed to speak to the media have blamed pAppY's clownlike appearance on his obsession with the circus and the countless times as a child when his father whipped him to within an inch of his life while dressed like a ringmaster.



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