Housmans Athletes - Making of Race to the Finish (preview)
Housman's Athletes
Having read many band bios, we know what you are expecting to read right now. Something like Housman's Athletes has enjoyed a meteoric rise to stardom and is a vital part of the emergent new musical stylings of today's market, seamlessly blending their punk, pop and metal influences into a cohesive amalgam that's more appealing now than ever, and etc. Well, we did have a bio like that for a while, but we got tired of the unnecessary adjectives. So here is our true story, written by us, in a far less pretentious manner.
Members:
Eric - Guitar, Singing
Chris - Keyboards
DJ - Guitar
Kazmer - Bass
Logan - Drums
HA's members share a common bond, in that each person overcame seemingly insurmountable odds in their youth.
Logan was born in a POW camp in the Gulf War to proud parents, Jonathan and Lamar. Despite being raised by opposing military forces, Logan was able to find his identity through playground fights and bullying. Growing older, he was able to transfer his raw street-fighting energy into a useable skill: drums. Despite having no musical talent, Logan was able to count and he used this difficult skill to create his own rhythm, and this became the driving force of the band. Although he occasionally reverts to his youthful brawling self, he is consistent.
Chris and DJ, the twins, were raised among carnival people and they delighted in their opportunity to thrill crowds with their pyromaniacal acrobat show. After a freak accident involving a giant fire, they were abandoned by their troupe and forced to survive as street performers in Central America. They spent seven years hitchhiking back to America, and while digging under the border, they discovered the underground lair of the surly master-thief, Kazmer. In the lair, they discovered an inexplicable cache of musical gear, so DJ began playing guitar and Chris, the older twin by a year or so, began learning keyboards.
Kaz spent most of his childhood running from federal agents after he successfully, at the age of six years old, stole four million dollars from a Las Vegas casino. Kaz has not appeared in a photograph since that time period, and he is eagerly biding his time and reading up on statute of limitations laws. He surfaced in the early '90s just long enough to steal the inventory of a Michigan music store and he retreated back into his cave to hone his new craft: bass. Feeding on animals that he hunts by hand in the surrounding countryside, he enjoyed a lonely lifestyle comprised of counting his stacks of money and playing his instrument of choice.
Eric was born with no left arm and then the hospital he was in collapsed due to an earthquake. The greatest tragedy was that Eric was left handed. Learning to use his right arm, he spent the majority of his childhood eating insects and worms and digging himself out of the hospital's rubble. When he emerged from the debris at the age of sixteen, he was horrifyingly pale and disproportioned, and he used his one giant arm awkwardly. Trying to find a group in which he could belong, he let an angry group of Crips beat him within an inch of his life because he thought we was being jumped into their gang. Unfortunately, the gang was not "Crips“ It was Logan, now in America, reverting to his past lifestyle of bullying.
Acrobat passersby, Chris and DJ, created a giant explosion to end the fight. Unexpectedly, they were unable to identify the flaming bodies, so they grabbed both Eric and Logan and dragged them back to Kaz's lair.
Then they started a f***ing band, "Battlestar Galacticock."
.er, "Housman's Athletes."
Race To The Finish
$13.00 (shipping included)
01. Things No One Wants
02. Unrequited
03. This Wretched Moment
04. Three Part Harmony
05. Four Cheers For Innocence
06. All The Bad Kids
07. Save Me, Destroy Me
08. Fumbling In The Dark
09. Tired Shoulders
10. Recreational Atavism
11. Feet Dangling And The Color Purple
12. Country Waltz
PROMOTE
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