The Goldfish Collective

I'm just gonna put this out there.

Fashioned from a single piece of clay, Goldfish is the semi-artificial son of Zeus and Cher. He arrived on Planet Earth amid a meteor storm after being cast out of Mount Olympus for spending too much time on the computer and not enough time smiting and commanding sacrifices and that. He was discovered in the woods, trying to get a signal on his mobile, by woodsman (what do woodmen do anyway, except for finding mildly devout infants? Wood? Is that a verb? To wood? Il wood, elle wood.) Frijj Friizer and his wife Frigda. They took him in and he grew under their care, developing a huge appetite for pancakes and winegums.When he reached the tender age of 9 they could no longer support such a voracious appetite and decadent lifestyle, and deciding it was in keeping with the Welfare Principle (a fundamental and governing canon in Scots family law) took him to the city and abandoned him. The events of the following years are unclear, but what is known is that he had a great many adventures and "found himself". Eventually he wound up in the home of a family in the Southside of Glasgow, via being the free toy in a Happy Meal. He ended up at Glasgow University, in Glasgow, where he commenced study of the Law. At 11 he bought his first real six-string.and you wouldn't believe the rest.



If you are:



1. an artist/part of a band/working on behalf of a band/artist with more than 20 bazillion friends on myspace, please don't add me. Your banter's dour.



2. a generic indie band with 4 friends who are all band members and rightly so, and your mums and girlfriends think you're gonna be on Top of the Pops one day, don't add me, you're generic and sad and plus, Top of the Pops isn't even on anymore.



3. someone who takes yourself too seriously, you may add me, but I'll just throw things at you when you play live.



4. from somewhere cool like Bolivia or Tibet, add me, even if you fit into any/all the above categories, you're so awesome for being foreign.



5. a record label, add and sign me, just for a laugh like.



6. just a random person, add me, I love you.



7. Lorraine Kelly, add me, my wee cousin met you in Boots.



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