Fluid Ounces

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Fluid Ounces was born Mary Elizabeth Oglethorpe in Beloit Wisconsin in 1917. The daughter of a rich industrialist, Mary showed an early interest in becoming a great American novelist but due to crippling laziness, never learned to read or write.



Dictating through her nanny Hildegaard, she began her first short novel "Puppy Make Puddles" at age 5. It was not an instant success but has since garnered modest attention for it's wry style and invitingly simple structure.



After a four year hiatus, she dictated her second book, using the same methods. This was a self-help book (possibly the first of it's kind) entitled "I'll Do It This Afternoon, using the forgetfulness of others to avoid work", a long winded and complex title for a nine year old. This, of course, was never published and all but the title remains lost to literary history.



So upset was she at the work's inability of find an audience that for the next eight years she locked herself in the fabled east wing of the Oglethorpe manor overlooking the aviary and the verdant gladiola field. It is presumed that, during this time she completed "A Tale of Two Cities" which by sheer happenstance was an exact verbatim copy of the Charles Dickens classic. Only Mary Elizabeth's total illiteracy made this occurrence unexplainable and for reasons which should be all too obvious, this work was also never published.



At the age of seventeen, she was released from her self-imposed isolation and went out into the world determined to find a young man who might prove to be worthy of the virgin flower of her youth. Her stunning beauty, wealth, and complete absence of all education made her quite the catch with the bachelors of the day and was not long before she accepted the hand of Radford B. Guille, a notable cad and notorious drunk who was forced to marry within 90 days of his conviction on charges of being unable to get over himself.

With the purchase of a prototype Dictaphone, the couple was able to release the aging Hildegaard from her service to Mary Elizabeth. Hildigaard moved to Acapulco, Mexico and invented parasailing.



Radford and Mary lived the rest of their lives at Oglethorpe Manor which had been granted to Radford as a dowry and they did very little of interest for a long period of time until their presumed deaths.

Copies of Mary Elizabeth Oglethorpe's early work is on display at the Hildegaard center for the advancement of parasailing, Acapulco under the heading "Fluid Ounces, piano pop".



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