Fight Monkey

Having already gone platinum 70 times over amonst the chimps and gorillas of the Congo, Fight Monkey has emerged from the deep forests to avenge the simians and melt human eardrums in their conquest, now, of slightly more developed apes. Cleverly disguised as humans through waxing, Fight Monkey's four ape revolutionaries plod through their day jobs just enough to fund the rebellion. Since February of 2007, the hypnometalheads have given audiences a well-deserved thrashing and, sometimes, a little love too. Previous undercover missions had included working in the former Portland bands of Bad Goat, Superphwãa, and *cough* Jollymon.



Now more humans than ever are zombiefied minions of Fight Monkey's mission for world monkey dominance. Some songs, like Grease the War Machine, evoke the Eeeeevil hairy metal of the 80s (mixed with good 'ol 21st century fury), while Dolls with Bacon lightens the mood with a funky metallic story of gender confusion. Just don't feed the monkeys. Don't even approach the stage for that matter. And for Chrissake don't EVER gesture to them in an aggressive manner unless it is to accompany a wickedly writhing mosh pit - otherwise, their razor teeth and brutish temper, combined with superhuman strength, have been known to cause side effects such as bleeding, pain, crying, hemorraging, and death. Plus, they might throw their turds at you.

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WARNING: Fight Monkey's music may cause spontaneous pregnancy in ovulating women. It may also, because of their badass mo-fo D-flat tuning, replicate the "brown noise," causing involuntary and explosive bowel movement in unprepared observers. Mixing religious fundamentalism and conservative dogmatist ideology with Fight Monkey music may result in irreparable and incendiary brain damage. Fight Monkey is not responsible for damages caused by inviting its members into your home. If encountered, try throwing some full cans of beer in their general direction to create a diversion, then carefully back away until out of their field of vision (resist the perverse impulse to actually watch them devour said beer).