In the year 1999-2000, several government organizations were suffering due to cut-backs proposed by the Senate. In order to stay afloat, an alternative source of funding was needed. Due the dramatic rise in popularity of the music genre "gangsta rap" and the easy money which could be found in it, a secret government organization to bio-genetically engineer the perfect rap group was created.Called S.G.O.B.E.P.R.G for short, it's goal was to attain the DNA of the hottest-selling rappers of that year and combine them to form a "super" rap group, one whose albums would outsell all other rap groups combined and provide the much-needed income to the dying organizations.
Over a period of several months, top scientists around the world were commissioned to extract the genes from the greatest "gangsta rappers" of that day; including Dr. "Dre, Snoop Dogg, Ice T, Cash Money Records, 36 mafia, Eminem, Tha 504 Boyz and Ini Kamoze. However, unbeknownst to the scientists, the vials, beakers and syringes that they were using had come from a confiscated methamphetamine lab in Phoenix, Arizona and had yet to be properly washed and sterilized.
The results were a disaster.
Due to the crack contaminated vials and beakers the three creatures that were produced, were warped beyond recognition of the rap superstars they were supposed to be. Instead of rapping about being from the Ghetto, they rapped about the suburbs, and instead of flashing wads of hundred dollar bills around, they would shop at the 99cent store and instead of singing about having sex with supermodels, they would sing about the pleasures of having sex with fat women.
Each member was given a code name. The first one that was created would always act effeminate bordering on homosexuality and was somehow created already circumcised, he was called, "Dr. Dreidel". The second one had poor dental hygiene and a severe anger management problem, he became Big Daddy Crack. The third one that was created, would spontaneously have seizures and was just plain weird was code-named Double-D. Collectively they were given a code name "Crack Money Records".
Hundreds of tests were given in order to detect any signs of coolness or rapper like attitude, but each test turned out negative. With the possibility of making money virtually impossible, a message came down from the heads of the operation: "Destroy all the evidence and deny any existence of the experiment". However, on the day that Crack Money Records was to be extermiated, Bid Daddy Crack tried to light a fart with a bunsen burner near a gas line and blew up the facility and everybody who had knowledge of it. It was only due to their heat-resistant shiny jumpsuits that they were able to make their way out of the rubble.
With nowhere to go and an unusual feeling of connectedness to Phoenix, they made their way to Arizona to do the thing they do best, being rap superstars! Over the years, other members have been added in to the mix such as the Bitch Ass Cop- a crazy stupid police man with dreams of singing with the village people, Jimmy Jangle- an alien from the planet Hefferzon-E, and some hot ass hoochies named Kitty and Kandy- fine ass hoes who where found at the Jenny Craig clinic and have been adopted by the Crack Money Crew to try and help them recapture their inner fat bitch.
Today you can see the Crack Money Crew all over Phoenix (Phoempton) rapping in shitty ass clubs and bars trying to score some fatties, and usually failing to get laid. Go to their website www.crackmoneyrecords.com to learn more
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