Closedhandpromise

Following a 2-week drug bender, friends Cupcake and Pumpkin Escobar woke to find themselves in a run down bathhouse with a transvestite hooker giving a double handjob to them. After explaining that his dream was to one day be a drummer in a rock n' roll band, the transvestite did an amazing Neil Peart style drum solo on his ass cheeks using the still erect penises of the men. Cupcake and Pumpkin knew that this sexy bitch was going the drummer of their up and coming metal band. The deal was sealed with a three-way snowball. With a singer, bassist, and drummer, a guitarist was all the three men needed to complete the band. While attending an underground luchador fight in Tijuana, Mexico, the trio noticed a very talented wrestler named "Puño de Mierda". The wrestler's finishing move was to fist fuck handfuls of shit in his defeated opponent's mouth, then walk around the arena with a guitar playing a blazing solo using only his rather large penis. After a backstage visit from the tranny, "Puño de Mierda" was in the band. Several songs were written with the foursome, but after a while it became clear that the music needed something else. Convicted grave robber/necrophiliac/gay club DJ dubbed "Muerte" was added to the line up after a prison work release program. The band was finally named ClosedHandPromise, honoring Puño de Mierda's finishing move "Promesa de Mano Cerrado".
Influences include; fucking shit up, getting fucked up, fucking fat bitches, fighting motherfuckers, alcohol, crack cocaine, crystal meth, and other crazy shit.
In a recent article, CHP was quoted in saying; "If you don't like us, fuck you. If you wanna get fucked up, say something. If you wanna get fucked, we will ruin your asshole. So suck our dicks you faggots." When asked about the homosexuality that is rampant in the band, they responded; "We do what we have to. We're Spartan warriors on the battlefield. We have each other's backsides."
That about sums it up, folks. ClosedHandPromise is a group of deviants who want to rape your ear pussies with their music. If you heard anything different remember what CHP says; "Stick a dick in your ear and fuck what you heard"